:D

I know I've recently had like, a bout of depression kinda thing (felt like it anyway), but I am so happy right now I can hardly believe it. I never realised how good it would make me feel to go through David's box of 'important stuff' that he had me looking after at mine while he moved (til today, when I brought it back round) and read all the things I've written to him over the years and realise that I still feel them. I read his diary from when he was about 14/15 and it made me love him more, and realise how, although stuff isn't always perfect, he really is one of a kind. He's deeper than I ever thought and so complex I doubt I'll ever truly know him, know everything about him, but I love that because it means I still have so much to find out. You know that feeling you get when you're in love, and you hug the person you love, and you just want to... like... squish into them?! Like if we were both flubber I want us to flub' together and become one bigger flubber. I know this is all really cheesy! (You should read some of the things I wrote when we'd only been together a few months! Hallmark eat your heart out (what a grose phrase!).

The depths of him make me wonder if I'm a little shallow in comparison. Not in the materialistic sense of the word, just in the sense that I wear my heart on my sleeve to some extent, and the extent that I don't I've told him all about. I've never been really honest in any of my diaries because I've always been afraid someone would read them, so I've always held back. Even the one I just bought, I held back. And I get this stupid thing in my head where I think that like, when I wrote in my new diary I was really depressed, so if I write in it again I'll get depressed again kinda... like it's... jinxed or something. I envy Jen because it's always seemed like when she wrote she wrote for her, like in diaries and stuff, and if you watch her writing you can kinda tell she's not holding back. I really want that. I just need to trust that no one will read it. I'd love to have a really personal account of my early teen years cos a lot of stuff was changing, and Pop died (his bday today - 82 I think), it'd be nice to have an account of what I was thinking and feeling, rather then not having one because I'm too scared. I'm so fed up with being scared.

I don't like buying diaries for myself, they seem too planned. But I love the one I've got, I'd like another one just like it but it was £7 (paperchase, it's hardback with like... hibiscus flowers and shiny petels, no wonder it cost a bit). I like Jen's diary, she bought it while she was with me. It's recycled! Very good. I dunno, maybe after college I'll get back into writing in one, maybe buy a new one, but my last couple of months of college are surely some of the most important! I really think I'll cry after my last exam, with relief, fear, happiness, everything! I'll just have to make sure I do it away from the exam hall!

Love you all! Cat x.

The boring shit that is my education

I do NOT like homework!

It's like going to the dentist to get a bit of decay that bloody hurts drilled out; you don't wanna, but the alternative is faaaaar worse.

That is all.

Girlie night out

Had such a fab time last night, dani went home pretty such straight after I got there cos she felt sick from mixing her drinks and so everyone (inc me) was gonna be leaving, but as I'd just got in from work had a super fast shower and got ready to go out I wanted to stay in so me lu victoria and jo stayed in. We went to Yates's first where the bouncer insisted cousin bill was gay, I told him he wasn't he'd just grown up with 3 girl cousins and that's it, and so it was pretty much my fault, haha, and then I saw Ryz crossing the road (noticed his BRIGHT! shirt) and ran over and he was with Zara and other college ppl. So after Yates's we went to flares (£4 entry! OMG) and I got one round of drinks then we just all danced and sang and got very undescreetly perved over (ick) and then we came home.

Oh! And we bought each other roses, mine's pink and after giving it some water it's opened beautifully! :D

Today I had a great day too, stayed home last night (got in at 1.40 but didn't go to bed til 3!), got up earlyish (earlier than I would have liked to) dragged my tired lil ass into the shower to try make myself feel human, and came round david's, had a morning spooning (he was still in bed :D) and tidied his room a bit cos we were trying to get it sorted today (unpack/tidy etc) and then went to town and saw TMNT with Baggio, it was quite good. There's a really cute monster in it, it's like Stitch, and at one point you're seeing the few as if you were the Rafielle (can't spell Italian names!) with a helmet on and the lil monster dude is just headbutting the helmet doing *dink dink dink*! SO cute! And then we all went to Jenghis (*love*) and then we went home and I went home and got ready for Fran's party, couldn't be bothered with a "sexy something" costume so I just went sexy. Corset, diamond chocker, jeans, boots, gorgeous smokey make up thanks to Sarah *love also*. David and I didnt' stay long, we're both tired and Mum was giving us a lift to David's so we couldn't leave too late anyway. It was fun though. We went to Sarah's house first and spent most of the night there, but that was ok. Nice to hang out a bit. And see Pete being Sarah's bitch and letting her put make up on him for his pirate costume...

Me: You should have really thick eyeliner
Pete: Why, why did you have to suggest it?!
Sarah: Peter... come here...

Hehe. Jen's back tomorrow :D! Yay. But I got loooooooads of hwk to do, which sucks! Hopefully I'll get most of it done tomorrow so I can enjoy monday evening with David! :D

Very tired and it's 12.50am!

Linda's back in 19 days! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Love benny x.

Me!

Hello everyone, I thought I'd join blogspot since Jen showed me hers cos I wanted a rant place, and I was gonna go back to diaryland, but I didn't fancy it so scrapped that idea.

Hope you don't mind me using the same template, I liked it most, black is too dark.

And now I have to pee.